If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
