Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
