saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
