i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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