Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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