just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
