Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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