No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
