in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize