I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
