my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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