You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
