i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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