I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
