i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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