Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
