How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
