I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
