so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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