So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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