You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize