thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
