the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
