You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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