people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
