you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
pray to the hookup gods
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
