can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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