why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
