Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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