Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My ass is underappreciated
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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