So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
