Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
