i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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