P.S. I can't hear my feet
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
