Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
