You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
