I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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