How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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