Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
