That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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