The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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