Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
