Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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