Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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