How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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