Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
