I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
