dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
