The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
