first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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