My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
