Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
