My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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