You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I can text with my tongue
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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