Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
