I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
