Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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