he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How drunk are you?
Completed.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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