here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You're like the curious george of whores
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
