I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
