well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
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This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
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The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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