Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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