Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she peed on how many people?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
