think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
