I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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