I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
