If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize