you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
