I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
