....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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