I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
