Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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