we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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